


Permission

by C130



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Acute Radiation Sickness, F/M, Family, Five Stages of Grief, Ironman Lunch Boxes, Thunderstorms, saying goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-03-08 21:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18903037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C130/pseuds/C130
Summary: Some people need permission to from the ones they love most...Major spoilers for Endgame.Part 1- Permission To Let GoPart 2- Permission To GrievePart 3- Permission To ProtectPart 4- Permission To Grow





	1. Permission To Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> So this is not the universe I usually write for...in fact this is the first time that I have ever written for the Marvel Universe before but this little 4-part story just would not let me be until I wrote it. I blame the writing prompt 'Some people need permission from their loved ones to die' and my radiation safety class. Though as I have tackled this story, it really has made me want to tackle some stories that fit in the 5-year gap in Endgame. 
> 
> Warning, this story has lots of spoilers for Endgame and also may attract onion slicing ninjas. Also, this story is crossposted with Fanfiction.net.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony didn't realize how badly he needed Pepper's permission until that moment.

Dr. Strange was right. If he would have known the actions it would take to save the world; the plan would have failed. Tony would have poured his energy into figuring out another way...any other way to defeat Thanos. But now that he was in the moment, now that there wasn't any room to think, Tony knew that he had to act. If he didn't, he was going to lose everything, scratch that, everyone he cared about.

Every fiber of his being howled in protest as he moved, but he ignored it. After all, he had survived open heart surgery without atheistic, what were some fractured bones compared with that. Thankfully, he managed to force his body fast enough to steal the infinity stones.

Tony started to feel the symptoms of acute radiation poisoning almost instantly. As his skin burned and nerves screamed, he breathed. He was the calm inside the raging storm of battle…he was Ironman…and with a single snap of his fingers he set the world right.

Now it was the end. Cap or Thor might have a chance to survive using an infinity stone, but after feeling the full toll, the stones exacted Tony doubted it. Honestly, the scorching pain made him respect Bruce even more for being able to continue the fight after snapping. Tony, he was already dead. The grim reaper just hadn't caught up with him yet. With the last of his strength, he was able to crawl to find a place to sit and wait for the radiation and injuries final drain the last of his life.

He couldn't close his eyes because he knew if he did, he would never open them again. He would never see his Pepper or Morgan again…and he wasn't sure that he could live with that. Tony wasn't sure how long he could last, but he knew that FRIDAY had probably already sent out the emergency beacon, so all he had to do was wait. Platypus was the first to find him; his solid armor felt cool against Tony's skin. Then Peter, speaking words that no longer made sense. Still Tony held on until the person who really matter came.

"Hey, Tony, look at me." Pepper pleaded, and he tried, oh God, he tried to, but his vision had faded to grey. He wanted to speak to her. To tell her how much he loved her, how much he loves Morgan, how badly he wanted to protect them, but his lungs couldn't even form a whisper…his lips could form no sound.

"We are going to be okay." Pepper spoke again, with her hand against his heart, and the words brought him a peace he could not explain. Tony had known how much he needed Pepper, every single piece of her…but he hadn't realized just how much he needed her permission until that moment.

"You can rest now." This time her words were so faint he could barely hear them, but that didn't stop them from softening the pain. It was the end of his story, and he could finally stop fighting.

He wouldn't be there to watch his baby girl grow up, to see graduate her from college, to delight in her falling in love and eventually walk her down the aisle. He wouldn't be there to fall asleep in Pepper's arms, to buy her impractical things that she would never use just to show her how much he loved her, to grow old with the most beautiful woman in the world…there was so many things that Tony wouldn't be able to do, but at least now his girls had the opportunity to live full lives. That would have to be enough.

For the first time since New York, Tony Stark let felt no fear or doubt as he let the darkness swallowed him.


	2. Permission to Grieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper could help but wonder if she said goodbye too soon.

The night had always been Tony's domain, but tonight sleep was once again elusive and Pepper was too exhausted to fight the insomnia. So she got up instead, she peeked into Morgan's room to make sure that her daughter was still asleep before wandering through her house like a living ghost. After an hour, of wandering, she finally settled on the couch in the living room.

As she sat, it truly felt like the world was swirling around her, dragging her into insanity. Tony was gone, and she was left to man what felt like a rudderless ship alone. In the last two weeks, she had fought an invading alien army to save the universe, buried her husband inside a sealed Vibramium coffin inside a cement vault to prevent radiation from leaking out, held a memorial to say goodbye to the man that she loved, tried to stay strong for their daughter, and did her best to keep their company…his legacy together.

It felt like a nightmare, but one that she would never wake from. She dwelt on that darkness alone until she felt Bruce coming down the hall. Even when he was trying to walk quietly, it was difficult for him not to cause the floors to vibrate under his footfalls.

"Hey Bruce." Pepper didn't even glance up when the lights came on; she just continued to stare at her still full glass of wine on the coffee table.

"Hey." The scientist's hulking form sank onto the couch beside her. "You doing okay?"

Pepper gave a short barking laugh that held no joy and then buried her head in her hands.

"Okay, I walked right into that one." Bruce took a breath. "Want to talk about it?"

Most of Pepper didn't. She didn't want to admit that Tony was gone. She didn't want to admit how much it hurt to be left behind and her doubts about her abilities to be the mother Morgan needed right now. She didn't want to admit that she felt utterly overwhelmed with her responsibilities maintaining Stark Industries and preserving his legacy…but most of all she didn't want to admit that mixed in with the grief and pain there was also a deep-seated feeling of relief. Unfortunately, Bruce had an endless well of patience and was perfectly capable of waiting, letting the silence breath until Pepper chose to speak. When Pepper did, she spoke of the question that haunted her nightmares.

"Did I let go of him too soon?" Pepper felt her eyes fill with tears. "If I would have told Tony to hang on...if I would have told him to keep fighting, I know that he would have."

"He had acute radiation poisoning. Even with the best medical care on Earth, he wouldn't have been able to survive more than 48 hours, and he would have spent that time in considerable pain…" Bruce tried to explain, but his words simply didn't sink in.

"Still…" She left the word hanging, a symbol of her infinite doubts.

"Pepper, you did the right thing." Bruce reached across and rested his good hand on her knee. "Some people need permission from the ones they care most about to pass peacefully. They need to know that their family will be okay without them. You were able to give Tony that comfort in his last moments, and then you stayed with him until the end."

"But I feel like I lied to him. I really don't think I am strong enough to do this by myself."

"I know."

"How did he die?" Pepper asked tears rolling down her face. When Bruce looked as though he was going to protest, she stopped him with a raise of her hand. She swallowed her grief for a moment and used her CEO voice. "Bruce, I need to know. I need to know why he couldn't pull off another miracle. I need to know that I didn't say goodbye too soon…"

The scientist looked at his best friend's grieving widow for a few long moments, studying every inch of her face before coming to a decision. He sagged into the couch and pulled out his tablet. "Alright. FRIDAY, I am going to need your help with this."

"Understood, let me know what you need." FRIDAY's thick Irish accent responded from the walls around them.

Bruce pulled up a rough model of the human form and swiped it onto coffee tables holographic projectors.

"I am not exactly sure how to do this, but I will do my best. If you have any questions or if I am giving to much details, or anything, please feel free to interrupt me." Bruce waited for Pepper to give him a nod of agreement. Then he turned his attention to the hologram in front of them. "Okay, FRIDAY, can you overlay Tony's injuries prior to him using the infinity stones?"

"Yes." The sadness in the AI's voice was palpable as she populated the model with red marks.

"As you can see, Tony was in pretty rough shape before entering the final stage of the battle."

"That much?" Pepper whispered as her eyes scanned the contusions and cuts, the cracked and broken bones.

Bruce did not comment; he instead gave FRIDAY the command to show the cascade of events that began when Tony activated the infinity stones.

"I do not fully understand the infinity stones." Bruce admitted as the red of radiation burns quickly spread up the model's arm and across its neck and shoulder. "But when there seemed to be two parts to the activation. The first is the requirement of life force to activate them; the second is the massive dose of radiation they produce once wakened. They had already been activated when Tony stole them, which I believe is the only reason that he was able to survive long enough to snap…but given the radiation dose he was receiving he only had minutes, if not seconds to do so."

"But he succeeded." FRIDAY spoke with pride of her creator.

"Yes, he did. But his fate had been sealed. At this point, his entire body was shutting down. Within five minutes of the snap, his muscles would have stopped obeying his command. The cells in his digestive system were starting to disintegrate and his kidneys were beyond saving. Both his lungs and heart were barely able to keep his body oxygenated." Bruce took a moment to look Pepper directly in the eye. "This was the condition he was in when you arrived." He clicked a button and the cascade of red turned to black. "As you were telling him that you and Morgan were going to be okay and that he could rest, his heart gave out. Which makes a lot of sense given his medical history and all of the scaring..."

Pepper gave a harsh chuckle as more tears streamed down her cheeks. "As much as he tried to pretend that he didn't have one, I always knew that his heart, was his weakness."

"Pepper, his heart may have been Tony's weakness, but his love was one of his greatest strengths. He saved the world because he loved you and Morgan so much that he would do anything to make sure that you could both live full, beautiful lives."

"I just wish that he would still be here with us…" She spoke her words barely above

"I know…I know…" Bruce tried to soothe as Pepper as she clung to him like a drowning sailor in a storm, and in the safety of his arms she finally let the flood gates inside her and a decade of fear, stress, grief, pain, and memory poured out in a torrent.

* * *

The following morning, Pepper couldn't get out of bed. Her head was bounding and throat ached far more than it should. FRIDAY responded to her distress by once again Bruce, who after checking her vitals, determined that she had come down with a virus.

"It is simply the let-down effect." Bruce explained as he insisted that Pepper take it easy the next couple of days and let her body heal from the effects of chronic stress and grief. It was important for her to take the time she needed. Both Morgan and Stark Industries would be taken care of in the meantime.

Being able to just stop for a day was a badly needed luxury. To lie in their bed, to cling to his pillow, which still held his scent. In this protected cocoon, Pepper finally started to process her emotions. She still felt shame and guilt about her relief that everything was over, that she would never have to stay up late wondering if Tony would return to her safely…but she recognized that relief was simply another aspect of their love for each other. It was part of Pepper beginning to let him go.

She spent the day drifting in and out of sleep. Sometimes she was greeted by nightmares. Sometimes with far more pleasant memories. As night fell, she had dreamed the Malibu house before Tony had gotten it blown up. He was driving her up the wall once again, teasing her over some date or another. She could feel herself getting exasperated, but at the same time, she really just wanted to kiss him. She almost did, when a knock at her bedroom door woke her.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Morgan?" Pepper cleared her throat and tried to blink the sleep from her eyes.

"The lightning is scary…can I come and sleep with you?"

Pepper couldn't help but have the shadow of a sad smile play across her lips. Ever since Morgan was baby, she had been terrified of thunderstorms. When they arrived during the day, Tony would usually build a blanket fort for them, and they would have FRIDAY entertain them for a couple of hours. When thunderstorms came a night, Morgan would come padding into the room and crawl into bed right between her parents.

Tony never had nightmares when Morgan came to shelter between them in a thunderstorm. Pepper suspected that on some unconscious level, her husband had felt comfort from being able to hold his family and protect them from the storm. Now, as the lightning dance across the sky and the thunder rumbled, Pepper wondered if she had the strength to step into the shoes of both parents. But at the moment she didn't have time to dwell on the future.

"Come here." Pepper sat up in bed and opened her arms to her daughter. Morgan practically ran, leaping on the bed and crawling into her mother's arms. The two sat in the dark for a while watching the flash of lightning playing across the ceiling and listening to the crash of thunder.

"I want Daddy."

"I do too." Pepper buried her face in Morgan's hair. "But as long as we never forget him, a part of Daddy will always be with us."

It was probably the wrong thing to say at the moment, but honestly, Pepper doubted that the right words existed. Their world was just too broken. So she held her child close, and when Morgan finally drifted off to sleep, Pepper allowed her tears to fall in time with the rain pattering against the window pane.


	3. Permission to Protect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every Stark generation needs a Jarvis. This is how Morgan gets hers.

Happy Hogan was pretty sure that the only thing worse than having a boss, who was a superhero, was to have a best friend who was one. As much as he hated to admit it, Tony Stark had been a central figure…scratch that, the central figure, in Happy's adult life.

Now he was faced with how he was going to fulfill the duties that his former boss had placed on his shoulders. How in the world was he going to back Pepper, continue to manage the SI's support for the Avengers, as well as, protect the Stark's two kids…because while Morgan was the child of his blood it was pretty darn clear in Tony's mind Peter Parker had also been part of the family.

The stress of figuring out what to do was practically driving Happy to distraction, but that all changed when he saw a sign advertising golden retriever puppies. Happy had had a dog growing up and he had fond memories of how his loyal companion had skillfully chased away the monsters from under his bed and accompanied him on many adventures when he had been Morgan's age.

If any child needed a canine protector right now it was Morgan Stark, and Happy was pretty sure that he was the right person to get her one. So he stopped at the house with the sign and was soon surrounded by four very active balls of fur.

The owner's had explained that these puppies were the ones that had disappeared during the snap and that their mother was now gone. That said, they had come from good stock and many of their siblings were currently service or search/rescue animals. As the owner spoke a young male walked up to him with an impressive level of fearlessness for creature that small. Happy looked down at the puppy with approval. He had learned long ago that Stark family fought in a weight class of their own and if you were going to protect them it require a ridiculous amount courage.

"Is this little guy available?" He had asked, and when the answer was yes, he had helped to bundle the puppy into a box in the back seat of his car. Unfortunately, when Happy arrived at the house with the puppy in tow, he realized that he probably should have called before he decided to bring back a new pet…

"Happy, I really don't think this is an appropriate time to get a dog." Pepper was clearly displeased with the new addition to the household. "In fact, I am fairly certain there is never going to be an appropriate time to get a dog!"

"But…"

"There is not a time for buts, Happy." Pepper was clearly just starting to pick up steam.

While Happy and Pepper argued, another factor entered the equation. Morgan managed to sneak her way into the room and start staring fixedly at the puppy in the box. After a few long moments the little girl finally came to a decision, reached into the box, and picked the puppy up.

"I am going to name you Jarvis." She smiled looking the puppy who promptly stared washing her face with its tongue.

"Morgan, put the puppy done please." Pepper said, her focus still mostly on Happy.

"Put Jarvis down." Morgan countered with a level of conviction that only a child could manage.

"What?"

"You should have told me to put Jarvis down." Cuddling the puppy, Morgan looked up with a bright eyed innocence which had probably kept her father completely wrapped around her finger.

Pepper sighed heavily scrubbing her hand across her face. It was clear that she had lost this particular battle. "Yes, dear, please put Jarvis back into the box. You and Happy need to go shopping for puppy supplies after all."

* * *

They went shopping for a whole lot more than just puppy supplies. After all, Happy felt it was his duty to spoil Morgan whenever possible. When she felt like a cheeseburger, by golly she got a cheeseburger with the full kid's meal with the toy to go with it. When she fell in love with a shiny new Ironman lunchbox set, you better believe that it was in their shopping cart because while she wouldn't need it for Kindergarten, first grade was only a little over a year away.

The of course picked up all of the dog stuff. Food and toys, a bed and leash, they even had a special little red and gold collar with Jarvis's name and Pepper's contact information on it. Throughout the entire shopping trip Morgan was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, ready to show her new puppy all of the new things.

But even though Morgan was a Stark and nearly 5, her energy was not endless and as the afternoon dragged on it was clear that the little girl was running out of steam. Happy knew that he should probably get her back home so that the child could grab a nap before dinner. So he packaged up all of their purchases and began the drive back to the lake house when he spotted something in the corner of his eye.

"You know what kid? I think we have one more stop." Happy said, making a U-turn and driving into the nursery parking lot. "It is kind of a tradition to plant a tree to remember someone who is gone. That way whenever you miss then you can sit under the tree and think about them. I think that we should look and see if we can find a tree that can remind you of your dad."

Morgan took on the task with an incredible level of determination. Scampering through the tree lot, only pausing to sound out the words on the tags attached to branches. She passed oaks and maples, pines and firs, until she finally found a tree that made her stop in her tracks. She cocked her head for a moment and then latched on to one of the tree's trunks.

"I want to pick this one." Morgan announced.

The tree looked fairly non-descript with green leaves and brown white bark. At first, Happy was confused that out of all the trees here, Morgan had chosen this particular plant. Then he looked at the name on the label, Ostrya virginiana…the Eastern Ironwood…

"I think that this tree is perfect." Happy finally managed to reply once the lump in his throat had finally softened.

He arranged for it to be delivered to the house and the pair headed home. Morgan quickly fell asleep in the back seat, leaving Happy to dwell on his thoughts. His heart ached with the knowledge that he wasn't going to be able to soothe his best friends little girl when she woke from a nightmare in the middle of the night or always been a comforting presence when she played in the yard, but he knew that he had to take a page out of Tony's book and realize that sometimes the only way you could protect the people you care most about was to give them the tools they could use to protect themselves.


	4. Permission To Grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan Stark knew that she was getting smarter every day.

**To Grow**

* * *

If you asked Morgan Stark she would tell you that she wanted to become a Ballerina-Engineer-Space Princess when she grew up. A ballerina like her Auntie Natasha, an engineer who could fix everything just like her father, and a space princess, because who wouldn't want to be a space princess.

She knew that she was getting smarter every single day. Since her daddy died, she learned that she needed to give her mommy a hug whenever it looked like she was about to cry. She had also discovered that Uncle Clint was the best person to get funny stories about what her dad was he was a superhero, though she shouldn't mention Auntie Natasha around him because it made him really sad. Uncle Bruce knew lots about science and was really good at kissing boo-boos, and when Uncle Happy visited he would take her to town and let her pick out something special to celebrate, which is how she got her extra special Ironman backpack to bring to school.

Going to school was…it was both good and bad at the same time. Morgan loved it because she got to learn new things and make new friends, but she also had to share books and toys when she was at school. Luckily her teachers let her know that she never had to share her special Ironman backpack and lunch box. Those where hers, and hers alone no matter who asked.

She wasn't the only one going to school. Jarvis was old enough to go to school too. At first, Morgan thought it was silly for a puppy to go to school, but after he started coming home knowing all sorts of new tricks, she thought it was totally awesome.

Still, even though Morgan was growing up and making new friends…that didn't stop her from thinking about what she was missing. There were lots of conversations in school about being okay about dead people. A lot of people had died because of the big war and all of the kids in the class knew at least one person who wasn't there anymore. The teachers tried to let them know that it wasn't their fault…which pretty silly to Morgan. How could an alien invasion be the fault of a bunch of kindergarteners?

That didn't stop her from missing her dad, though when she got really lonely Morgan discovered that she could ask FRIDAY to play one of the stories that her daddy recorded for her…but she had to be careful not to do it when mommy was too close, because it always made her mommy cry. Those stories were kind of like the blue, glowing nightlight thing that mommy always kept on her nightstand.

Then there was her daddy's tree. The Ironwood tree would never be as big or tall as the other trees by the lake, but FRIDAY had told her that it would grow to be the strongest. Sitting under its branches made Morgan feel safe, and when she wanted to talk about her day, the tree was always there to listen. This particular afternoon she had settled herself talk about the new game that her friends had made up at recess. She was about to get to the good part, but she was interrupted.

"Morgan, can you come in and help me with dinner?" Her mother called from the house. "Bruce is coming over and so we need to make extra."

"Do you think that I can convince Uncle Bruce and DUM-E to help me build a robot for show-and-tell?" Morgan asked as she came running onto the porch, Jarvis on her heels.

"I think that might be possible." Pepper voice held a hint of melodically and the edges of her eyes started to fill. Morgan didn't know why the question had made her mommy so sad, but she knew exactly what her job was. So, Morgan opened her arms wide and tried to hug away her mother's tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I apologize for taking so long to post. My family ended up getting hit by a major accident and spending time at the local hospital kind of ate a lot of my time outside of eating and sleeping. It got so bad that my cat started stealing my keys because I wasn't there to cuddle enough. Luckily, everyone is on the mend and while I didn't have access to the internet while sitting in the ICU, I was able to sit down and pound out the first couple chapters of my second MCU fanfiction story. But enough about me...here is the final short for Permission. I wrote this using my experiences with the young students that I work with and I hope that it helps give everything some closure.


End file.
